Like its 2012 predecessor, Seth MacFarlane’s Ted 2 stars himself as the affable, animated Ted along with his crass “thunder buddy for life” John (Mark Walberg). Although this time around the tables have turned as at the start, while Ted gets married to gum-snapping checkout girl Tami-Lynn (Jessica Barth), Walberg’s character struggles to deal with the divorce of Mila Kunis’ character (who sadly does not appear in the film, likely as she was pregnant during its shooting), which occurred six months prior.
John and Ted at John’s bachelor party.
Skipping ahead a year, the plot involves Tami-Lynn and Ted wanting to have a baby to save their marriage, but when the two try to adopt a child, it somehow raises a red flag that Ted is not a human being (as if it wasn’t obvious enough before?) and it is then that the Commonwealth of Massachusetts decides that not only is Ted not a person, but he is now deemed as a piece of property, striking up a matter of civil rights.
Along with that ridiculous premise, there are also two needless subplots, one a basic remake of its predecessor involving Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) as a creepy janitor scheming with Hasbro to kidnap Ted in a plan to create Teds for children (and creepy janitors) worldwide. (To be honest, I would have loved to see where the film could have been taken if this had worked out, but sadly this plot goes nowhere and for a film dealing with civil rights, despite the bits from the news channels it all feels far too small.) Not to mention the film relies far too heavily on the score to shift the tone in some of its scenes. (Particularly when the drunken Ted recklessly drives a car at night)
The second pointless subplot involves recent law-school grad Samantha Jackson, a.k.a. Sam L. Jackson, (Amanda Seyfried), who is not only Ted’s pro bono lawyer on the case, but also fills the shoes for Kunis’ character as John’s love-interest. (SPOILER) Jackson’s ballad on the marijuana farm seemed like the most pointless and biggest time-filler I’ve seen in a while, (like it was a part of her contract deal) not to mention the Busby Berkeley-inspired opening credits.
Tami-Lynn and Ted reading the Commonwealth letter.
Instead of the film being a character-driven one filled with a bunch of hilarious non-sequitors as its predecessor, we are left with a slow-moving narrative that seems to constrain MacFarlane’s screwball comedy chops. (Particularly with the droning court scenes where MacFarlane is left to make Ted jump into song or constantly throw out profane remarks to liven the tone) Despite this, some jokes do hit the mark including when John and Ted spew off crude suggestions at a comedy improv and Ted’s interaction with Liam Neeson, who is interested in buying a box of Trix, at the market where he works. Another involves the main characters gawking in awe at the lush marijuana farm backed by the John Williams score from “Jurassic Park.”
John and Ted at Tom Brady’s house.
Due to the lack of experience on Jackson’s part, the group is left with seemingly no other option but to request the help of lawyer Patrick Meighan. (Morgan Freeman) However, Freeman’s character says that he won’t take the case because Ted has not made a contribution to society. And yet, by the end of the film, (SPOILER) Ted still has yet to contribute anything, but Freeman’s character simply states that Ted’s case reminded him of why he got into the business, and then that’s that. He wins the case, Tami-Lynn and Ted adopt a kid and the movie’s over. What lesson was I supposed to learn from this? (Literally, no joke, Freeman’s character walks into the courtroom, says a few lines, and then WHAM! Gauntlet smacked down case closed. Really?) Mr. MacFarlane may have wanted to tackle the race issue, but is just too inept to do anything worthwhile with his material. For America’s sake, in the nicest way possible, stick to the silliness and banter, MacFarlane.
Ted tossing a sperm sample at a Donor Bank.
(SPOILER) Even more so is that it seemed so contrived to have Ted get pissed off at John towards the film’s third act for focusing on his relationship with Samantha because then it gave the excuse for Ted to be alone at the Comic-Con and for Donny to steal him. (Only so John could get him back and they could rejoice taking up practically the rest of the screen-time) Furthermore, in what world what Donny tell Guy (Patrick Warburton) that the Ted he was carrying away was the real one. He literally just grabbed him out of a stand full of other unanimated Teds, so why not tell him that it’s just a toy?
And while you could say that comedy is subjective, and perhaps some people will find this movie funnier than I did, the fact of the matter stands that this overlong sequel made only slightly over half on its opening weekend than the original film. And while I am quick to judge box office success to determine a film’s value and the fact that the film did have to go up against juggernauts like Jurassic World and Inside Out, maybe its time MacFarlane tried a new original work (a musical, perhaps), and leave the Ted franchise behind.