At this point in life, it really shouldn’t surprise me that there’s a Smallest Penis Pageant in Bushwick, but it still does. In fact, it’s not just a thing that happens, but this is the third year that it’s occurring. I’ll just let that one sink in for a minute…
The show is scheduled to take place on June 13th at the new Kings County Saloon. You can get tickets ahead of time for $5 on their site or at the door for $10. There’s also the option for VIP tables that have “penis-kitten bottle service and backstage passes,” available for those who are just dying to meet this year’s not-so-well endowed superstars. Fans of small penises and those who have them are expected to come from across the country to either enjoy the event or partake in it. The activities range from talent shows to swimsuit competitions to everything else you’d expect to see at a pageant–plus a lot more micropenis than you’ve probably been exposed to in one sitting.
With a larger space comes the opportunity to host more tiny penises than they’ve been able to in the past, with the bar hopeful for more than five competitors this year. For those brave souls that have nothing to hide and want to bare what little they have to a bunch of strangers, the bar is accepting competitors via email at email@example.com still. The winner walks away not just with the certainty of having the best and smallest penis but also a cash prize of $500.
If you’re looking to start your summer off on a weird note then there really isn’t going to be a better opportunity than this. In the very least, you might walk away feeling really good about yourself.